A Strong Marriage: Interview with Happy Spouses
Mr. and Mrs. Adams have been married for eight years. They met at a restaurant while getting breakfast. They have dated for a total amount of five years before they got married. They dated for two years and then decided to break up. However, they reconnected and married after additional three years of dating. Mrs. Adams shared that she was initially attracted to her now-husband because of his attitude and assertiveness. He was a well-established man, which she found very attractive. He knew what he wanted and was not afraid to fight for it. The couple elaborated, stating that they were both extremely ambitious and goal-oriented, which attracted them to each other. Mr. and Mrs. Adams emphasized the importance of having similar goals for the future when deciding to get married. They added that both partners needed to have similar family values. Mrs. Adams shared that getting married is not just a romantic act. Therefore, partners should discuss financial plans with each other to establish a family.
Mr. Adams argued that the reason why so many marriages end in divorce was the fact that people are too quick to look on the outside, instead of focusing on what’s within. Mrs. Adams agreed and added that miscommunication was a common trend in the majority of failed marriages.
Both Mr. and Mrs. Adams described the feeling of readiness they had within. They had multiple discussions about their future together, which helped a lot. It was also important for them to get married and be at peace with their relationship with God. Hence, they decided to wait a bit longer and think everything through. Based on their advice, it can be concluded that young couples need to have open discussions with each other to address their concerns and worries.
Mrs. Adams noted that the main aspect that differentiated marriage from dating for her was the couple’s shared values and plans. Marriage requires you to think long-term and take responsibility for your partner, and not just yourself. Mr. Adams added that dating was focused on romance, while marriage facilitated deep mutual understanding and respect. Both partners admitted that they did not expect the number of shared responsibilities and obligations that marriage entailed. Mr. Adams was eager to agree with Mrs. Adams when she identified faith and communication as the two main strengths of their marriage. Putting God first helped them see the bigger picture and stop focusing on insignificant fights. Being able to communicate openly transformed their marriage and helped them gain a better understanding of each other’s needs. They determined frequent and honest communication (however uncomfortable) is the key strategy to maintain a strong marriage.
Family issues often became the source of conflicts for Mr. and Mrs. Adams. They shared that they had disputes over the way they should approach a certain aspect of raising their child. They added that communication is crucial to resolving conflicts. However, Mrs. Adams emphasized the importance of listening, instead of talking, giving your partner an ability to be heard. Financial management has been important to both Mrs. and Mr. Adams. They advised young married couples to have a budget they could stick to. Furthermore, they emphasized the importance of having separate accounts, while maintaining a shared checking and savings account. Again, it can be argued that financial issues could be resolved through open communication.
When it came to intimacy, Mr. and Mrs. Adams were not too open about their sex life. However, they good-heartedly advised young couples to explore and experiment. Having fun is an essential part of any marriage, according to Mrs. Adams. Mr. Adams elaborated that there should be no shame between partners about their concerns and worries in sex. Mr. Adams argued that it was easy for him and his wife to develop spiritual intimacy since they both had a strong personal relationship with God. They often discuss the Biblical verses and communicate with each other in regards to their religious issues or revelations. While it is important to have a personal relationship with God, praying and worshipping together help partners grow closer spiritually and emotionally.
Mrs. Adams argued that the main issue families faced was not putting God first. Faith allows partners to step back from their mundane arguments and focus on what matters. She mentioned an article from The Atlantic by Derek Thompson (2019), which she enjoyed and quoted from. It discusses the crisis of faith in the United States and its effects on family values. Mr. Adams supported his wife and agreed that putting God first helped both of them tremendously. However, he also pointed out that the popularization of open marriages and casual relationships posed a serious threat to families. In conclusion, many couples begin to see marriage as an experiment, when, in reality, it involves hard work and personal growth. No relationship can survive long-term if partners do not take it seriously. Furthermore, young people can get hurt while pursuing a relationship that is just ‘casual’ for the other person.
Thompson, D. (2019). Three decades ago, America lost its religion. Why? The Atlantic. Web.