Gary Smalley is the well-known best-selling author of sixteen books and films about a family relationship. His Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships is famous all over the world. Gary Smalley’s advice could be good for couples who just thinking of getting married or for those who already have long-term relationships. Moreover, those ideas can be used by everyone who wants to improve the relations with people around. The approach of giving that Gary Smalley discusses in Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships can be useful for everyone who wants to have strong and loving relations with people around. The incorporation of the approach of giving by Gary Smalley helped me to improve my relationships.
According to Gary Smalley’s seminars, an approach of giving is one of the most important keys of loving relationships. It is very important to forget about nervousness and to use sound mind. It sounds easy but his key is really helpful. You must express your honor and love. You must bless people. Gary Smalley says that many people don’t know how to bless their family, friends, and people around (Smalley). However, the blessing is a very important tool of giving that impact our life with lives of other people.
It is important for partners to feed each other’s emotions. Every person has individual needs but mostly we all need the same. First year of the relationships is based on an attempt to show each other love and caring. However, after a while people are getting sticky. In this period is very important to communicate and to understand each other’s needs. It can be useful to make a list of needs: what is absolutely necessary, what would be good, what would be interesting to try? This kind of exchange is an important key to relationships.
Several months ago I had a complicated situation with my husband. We both didn’t understand each other’s needs. Everyone wanted to prove one’s position. Suddenly, I got the point that if I don’t understand his needs than he would not understand mine. I invited him to a date and offered to talk about our conflict. I choose the place fitting his interests. I tried to show my readiness to give him everything she needs. I always remember Gary Smalley’s idea that love is a practical expression. You should express your feelings. You should not hide it inside. You should give the honor and blessing. So, we were sitting together and thinking about the way of improving. We made a list of all important things that each of us needs. Since that, every day we share all good and bad thoughts with each other. Every day I give my husband the honor and blessing. Now we listen to each other. We can cope with any kind of situation just because we give honor and understanding to each other. Since I forget about my fears our relationships got better.
Partners have to understand what is going on with their marriage. This will help to prevent the conflicts. Both must be honest and forget about the “fear buttons” and “anger buttons,” about “the fear dance” (Smalley). Anger and fear are not those things that partners should give each other.
I know another personal story about the use of Gary Smalley ideas. My friend and his wife have lived together for 19 years. When I asked him about Gary Smalley approaches of relations, he said that the use of those keys helped his family to build a strong structure of relations. Few years ago my friend had some problems with his wife. They even started to think about divorce. The family friend gave them video by Gary Smalley. Their marriage turned around. It sounds so easy. You just have to give an understanding. You should express all what you usually hide inside. People will not read the thoughts in your mind. A simple conversation can completely change the situation.
When you argue with your friends you should not take personally everything they say. Most of the time emotions close our mind. Instead of giving an understanding and respect, we are getting angry and trying to push the opponent. I started not to use those “fear buttons” in the communication and very soon I found that my relation with family and friends got better. Of course, every situation is unique, and it is impossible to predict its development. However, now I am sure that approach of giving is a perfect key to move on the peaceful way. The moment you understand it is your start getting a victory (Smalley).
Gary Smalley says that everyday we should tell our relatives how much we love them, how much we appreciate them and how much we care about them. The successful example of Gary Smalley’s marriage confirms his theories. Gary has been married for 38 years. This is really impressive.
Hidden Keys gives more insights understanding of building relations based on love and respect. Gary Smalley gives a review from different sides. Obviously, this man knows how to put the theory into life.
Smalley, G. (Producer). (1988). Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships. [Video Tape]. United States: Gary Smalley Seminars, Inc.